Our Priorities

Alabama Rationale Regarding Redundant Election-Year Legislation

Proposal to remove racist language from Alabama's constitution (2004): "We don't need this. Federal law already makes any of this language moot. Besides, the government has no place imposing moral values on its people. Not to mention, we could be taxed."

Keg ban bill: "We don't need this. It won't do any good in preventing underage drinking since most underage drinkers prefer to buy six packs. Besides, the government has no place imposing moral values on its people."

Child seat legislation: "We don't need this. How dare the government tell me what I can and can't do with my own children in my own car! It's a parent's right and responsibility to decide what should be done, regardless as to the danger it may pose to his child."

Hate crime bill: "We don't need this. Federal and state laws already prohibit and punish any of the crimes that may be committed. This is nothing more than policing thought. Besides, the government has no place in imposing moral values on its people."

Amendment One, banning gay marriage: "We don't need this. Alabama already doesn't recognize gay marriages and doesn't give out marriage licenses to gay couples. Why add another ammendment to our already lengthy constitution? Besides, the government has no place... Screw it!"

American Rationale Regarding Election-Year Issues

Government wiretapping without warrants: No big deal. Cuba's been doing it for years.

Identity theft of veterans: No big deal. They probably had their credit card info stored on their computer, anyway.

Iraq: Not interested anymore. It's old news.

Signing statements: Eh, we didn't expect the president to take legislation seriously, anyway.

Bribery and corruption: This is new?

Gay marriage: Get 'em!

Nice to know that we all have our priorities straight.